That led me to think about why a person would use a name that indicates they’re involved in things that are illegal. I’m not going to reveal the actual name, but it’s something akin to me using a name such as, let’s say Grieving Paedophile. That’s not the actual name, but my reaction to the name is similar to the one I’ve used in my example. It made me wonder a little about them which may have been their intention, but it also made me not want to know them at all.

Why would someone go to such an extreme to be offensive, I wonder? The organisation in question obviously didn’t have such an extreme reaction as I’ve had. I wonder whether they’re going to have a fruitful relationship…

Have said all of that, I’ll now talk about my Month of Poetry so far. I’m proud to say it’s going well, in terms of actually writing at least one new poem every day of January. Some of the poems I’ve written have been pretty good, in my opinion and in the opinion of others. Some of them have been so-so at best and lame at worst.

I’ve posted some of the poems I’ve written this month on my Poetry blog, Poetic Pause. Come along for a look at it and a read if you like. There are also details of a Poetry Competition I’m involved in, for Australians only I’m afraid. Come on Aussie poets, have a look and give it a go, but be quick, entries close on 27 January!

That doesn’t matter though. My purpose for getting involved in the Month of Poetry 2012 was to get into the habit of writing something new whenever I wanted to. So, getting at least one poem written written has shown me that I don’t need to have my Muse sitting alongside of me to get the words down. This further means that when I begin my next big writing project, I should get it moving along well. This is a very good thing!

I’m still not saying what that project is going to be, but I’m looking forward to it happening, probably with a start by April this year. In the meantime, I’ll continue writing my one new poem or more every day. I have at least two poems written this month that I like enough to consider reading them at the Gawler Poetry Reading on 29 January at the Prince Albert Hotel.

If you’re anywhere near Gawler on that day, come along for a great Poetry afternoon!

So, that’s why I’m writing this blog post. It’s partly in response to a comment on my previous blog post, but it’s also something I wanted to write anyway. I’m proud to say that I’m doing well with my Month of Poetry challenge. Doing well doesn’t necessarily mean I’m producing a work of poetic art with every poem I write and post to the Month of Poetry website.

Doing well simply means that I have been able to write and post a new poem every single day of January 2012. On some days I’ve been able to write more than one poem, woo hoo! This is far more poems than I have previously been able to write.

The main reason I decided to undergo this challenge wasn’t so I would be creating a wonderful poem every day, even though I’m happy with some of the poems I’ve written. The main reason I began this challenge was to prove to myself that I was capable of meeting the challenge of writing something every single day. If I am to meet my next challenge, I needed to be able to do this extended writing.

I’ll wait and see whether I can stick it out for the rest of January. Judging by how I’m going so far, it should continue to go well. Anyway, if you’re interested in reading more about this Month of Writing challenge, I’ve posted some of the poems I’ve written this month on my Poetry Blog here, feel free to have a look, read and comment!

On the Poetic Pause blog, there are details of a current poetry competition too, read about it all, and if you live in Australia, why not enter the competition? It won’t cost much, and the prizes are great!

This isn’t just all on my own, this is with a lovely lady Kathryn Apel, from Queensland Australia. Kathryn has opened up her world and a website to poets to meet up and commit to writing a poem a day in January.

I have another writing project I want to do next year as well, and I’m expecting January will get me on track and well into writing mode. I’ll be posting some of my poems to http://carolyn-poeticpause.blogspot.com/

There have been flooding rains recently in various states of Australia, sometimes bigger floods than ever before. Overseas there have been recent devastating floods, with many hundreds of people missing or drowned. All of this has occurred in one year, 2011.

There have been good things happening too though, thanks to the weather. The crops in the Mallala district have done well, with rain happening as and when needed. This has been great, following on from periods of little rain in the previous years. Nature changes, and we all have to learn to change with it.

Following the changes, and understanding what is happening is vital. Climate change it here, it’s happening faster than ever before, and we must accept that and take action to help stop it or at least slow it down. Climate change deniers may become the most hated people in future years, when flooding kills thousands of people and causes many more thousands of people lose their homes due to rising sea levels.

I’m no scientist, but I’m a thinking person who reads of these things and worries nothing will be done soon enough to save lives. It’s time we all became advocates for our planet. Nature is doing its best, but we must step up and help!

I was fine with this new arrangement, and set off on Monday evening to meet up with two other members to then journey on to the home where the meeting would be held.   It was a good plan…

The reality, however, was not good. I was on the Gawler bypass, travelling in a southerly direction, when I ran over some truck tyre debris. I lost my steering and hit the safety fencing in the centre of the road, thereby avoiding a terrible crash. Instead my car spun around and I ended up stopped on the other side of the road, the passenger side, where it was safe.

I saw a car pull up behind and I stayed there, thinking about the situation. I was unhurt, but I was sure the car was damaged. The wonderful woman who stopped came over to my car and invited me to go and sit in her car while she rang the police. I was happy to do as she suggested.

The woman, told me she was Amy, I told her my name and we both waited for the police. Amy said she saw the whole thing, and the accident wasn’t my fault. Another woman arrived and then another man. The second woman was Maggie and the man’s name may have been Roger, I’m not sure. All of them were lovely and helpful. Roger cleared away the bits that had fallen from my car.

When the police officer arrived, Amy told him what she saw. He asked me what happened, and he called the ambulance. Two ambos arrived eventually and checked me out. They were prepared to take me to the hospital if I felt I needed it. I said I felt was physically OK and was told to call them again if I felt worse at all.

All of these people were lovely, and I wasn’t made to feel a fault at all. I was left with only the police officer eventually. We waited for my husband Graham to arrive, and the tow truck to arrive too. The car was completely unable to be driven.

I had rung my writing group to tell them I wasn’t coming to the meeting, and the reason why. I also rang my husband so he could come and take me home.

The writing group often sets a theme for the  next meeting, and I was amused the following day to find out the theme was going to be ‘Cars’. I certainly have a few new things to write about cars.

As a writer, I take my life’s experiences and use them in my writing. I’m thinking about cars right now, the thoughts spinning around in my head like my car was spinning around on the road on Monday night. I’m glad a few things from Monday night – I was wearing my seat belt, the safety fence did its job well, I wasn’t injured, no-one else was involved and I met some lovely people.

Now I just have to wait for my insurance company to decide what happens with the car, and my life can get back to normal. I’m glad to have told this story – always wear your seat belt when you’re in the car!

sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow

sparrow, sparrow, turtledove, sparrow, turtledove, turtledove, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow

turtledove, sparrow, cabbage moth, cabbage moth, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow

sparrow, sparrow, willie wagtail, willie wagtail, sparrow, sparrow, honey eater, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow

sparrow, sparrow, cabbage moth, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow

sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, airforce jet, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow

sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, different kind of honey eater, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow

sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, cabbage moth, sparrow, sparrow, too hot – going inside, sparrow, sparrow…

My dad used to tease me when I was a pre-teen and call me ‘Mary, Mary, quite contrary!’ He thought it hilarious, I thought it cruel and sometimes he made me cry with anger about it. I think now he just liked the joke too much to let it go, and my over the top reaction just made it funnier. The fact that my middle name is in fact Mary probably made it perfect for Dad to make that joke, and thinking about my contrary behaviour as a baby, well, maybe I deserved the taunt.

As a woman who is now a mother and a mum who was proud to be a breast feeding mum, I find it strange that as a baby I refused to do the natural thing. I’ve bred pure-bred dogs for twenty years too, and I know breast is definitely best for babies. Bottle feeding is OK in emergency situations, but doing it naturally is easiest, safest and definitely the best way to feed a baby creature.

I don’t think I was particularly contrary as a teenager, but I know I certainly took some risks. I did stupid things and took unnecessary risks. The risks I took weren’t physically risky in ways that could have led to broken bones. I took the kinds of risks I’ve since learned sexually abused children sometimes take.

I would allow men and boys do things to me a girl of such a young age shouldn’t let them do, and I felt like I didn’t deserve any better. Now I realise the folly of my actions, but all those years ago I thought that was a way to find love. Silly, silly me.

Love had nothing to do with what used to happen to me back when I was a teenager and young adult. Lust, on the part of the male participant was certainly present, but there was no love at all. I’ve learned so much since moving on from those sordid and sad years. I now have a husband who I love and who loves me. I’ve also thought long and hard about my young and sorry years way back then.

I have found hope and forgiveness in my forties. The teen boys who misused me didn’t realise the damage they did, and I didn’t realise the damage being done to me either. My creative writing in the past ten or so years has helped me find peace and I can forgive myself and others for the misdeeds of my youth.

The man who sexually abused me as a 7 year old is dead, never realising perhaps the enormity of his actions. Alcohol was his reason perhaps, but I was never in a position to tell on him back then, so he never was going to face the courts. I’ve written about him, and recently spoken briefly to my mother about this. There’s not much more to be gained from doing much more about this, apart from acknowledge it and move on.

I was damaged, and now I am healed. Writing the poems and  putting together my poetry collection have been a huge part of my healing. I hope now others may find some kind of healing in reading about this story on this blog, and perhaps getting a copy of my collection and reading the poems. My story is there, victim to survivor, and then one who wishes to assist others.

I invite others to contact me on this site, I am happy to talk with others here.

I don’t, but not believing doesn’t make me happy.  I just know that Rangler had a good life, Kharis had a good life, all of our dogs have good lives. That’s the best they can ask for and the best we can provide for them. They have shelter, they get fed and we love them.

Dogs and puppies are interesting to so many people, I’m bound to find someone who is interested in something I put on this blog. I’ll start with a ‘funny little story about the dog/cat interaction my oldest dog had today at the vet clinic.

Rangler (Aust Ch Holkschter Rangler Jane) had a vet appointment today, so we could get some more tablets for her epilespy. Rangler is thirteen and has only had epilepsy for a couple of months. She is doing well with the tablets, and is getting on fairly well for an old girl.

We arrived at the vet’s and weighed Rangler, then we sat down and waited. Rangler was shaking because she was nervous. Her hearing and eyesight aren’t as good as they used to be, and she hasn’t been to the vet very often. Rangler was interested, but, as I said, nervous.

Then, as casual as you like, over strolled the cat that lives at the clinic. The cat strolled over to Rangler, waved its tail in her face then walked around Rangler several times before strolling off again. Instant attention from Rangler, the nervous shakes all gone, and I could almost see Rangler smile and the cat smirk. It was beautiful.

Rangler’s wait was much happier and the vet was happy with her when he finally got to check her out. I’m pleased to say the vet is very happy with her heart, and he is sure Rangler will go on for many years longer.

This, of course, is a good thing, but we also have a dog who loves to dig holes. In the back lawn. You can imagine what the backyard looks like. It looks like world war one.

And then of course, the dogs bring the mud into the house. Our house has never been a super tidy house, I am not a good housewife at all, at the moment it looks quite daggy. I’m just glad the dogs stick to lying down on their sofa and don’t put mud on the good sofa.

One day, probably when my husband retires, we might have a tidy house. He cares about tidiness. I don’t. He works full time, I work sort of part time. I don’t fill my empty hours with cleaning things. It doesn’t interest me.

I like cooking though. Cooking appeals to my creative needs in a way that vacuuming never ever will. I make lovely interesting muffins, but I don’t have a clean carpet. I can live with that, and fortunately my husband can too. I am a lucky person.

Anyway, the rain looks like it isn’t finishing yet, and I don’t leave the digging dog outside for too long unsupervised, so the backyard will stay as it is at the moment, no improvement, but it won’t get too much worse.

I can live with that!